Has anyone else ever really loved their job but found going to that job and having to interact with the rest of their team abhorrent? That's where I am.

On another note, I'm excited about Christmas. I don't have a tree yet, my place isn't decorated yet... but soon. Once it's all up I'll be able to relax, look around, thank my lucky stars for everything I am so blessed to have in my life, and drink eggnog in an effort to gain 5 lbs before the end of the year. I am SO on top of this!

Tonight my ex-employers are having their holiday party. I have not been invited. I'm crashing it, though, because I love them and I want them to offer me a job. They know this... they're excited to see me. Have I mentioned that I love them? Tomorrow night is my holiday party. I am less excited. Bitches. You know, that's not fair. the techs are wonderful. The owners are wonderful. It's just those harpies in the office I could really do without. Mean people... gah.

The weather has changed from brisk autumn to frigid winter in just a couple of days. I'm ready for summer and it's not even November yet.

Yesterday I lost my cousin. He was 28 years old. His son found him. No one knows what happened... he was so young. I just keep remembering him standing at the patio door when he was maybe 6 years old, watching his little sister play. He was 28 years old and every time I think of him he's 6, looking in at us through the open sliding glass door while his mom talks to my mom. I think of that little boy, think of the man he became that I barely knew, and I cry.

Stress has been something of a constant in my life lately. I'm always a little unsure of my employer just because I work with Mike. The owner tells me how happy he is but, when it comes down to it, I get a little on the nervous side. I love my job, I'm really good at my job... But it's a struggle every single day. There's never a day that goes by that I don't have to fight to be happy there. Plus, I've found out recently that one of the girls in the office is documenting issues she has with me. This would be totally fine except that I found the document (because she saved it on the server... duh.) and, I kid you not, it's LIES. Like, all of it. She's fabricating shit about me. On top of this I'm dealing with musical warfare. She goes around the office and turns up the volume everywhere. Sometimes I come into my office in the morning and she's messed with the volume in MY OFFICE. Who does that? Seriously?? She's going to force me to take back my XM. You all know how much I hate to be bitchy that way... yeah.

OHMYGOD I completely forgot! My sisters met my bio-dad, Pete, for dinner and guess what Pete told them? Apparently he isn't my bio-dad after all.... surprise!

It's bad that I'm only blogging once a month or so, isn't it? Yeah, I know. I have found that I'm busy a lot. Sadly, when I'm not busy, I'm tired. Really freaking tired. I'm also on the computer all day long at work so getting on the computer more after I get home isn't as appealing as it might be were I not in front of the computer all day long at work. I made that sentence obnoxious on purpose.

At the end of September I almost died by moose. I kid you not. Nothing else even remotely as exciting as gone down in my life.

Matt lost his job and we're sad about it. He's not sad. He's kind of loving the whole "I have free time" thing. He's studying for school and getting stuff done that needs to get done. He's filling me with a sense of "get your lazy butt up and go get a job" though. It's not fair to him and I'm trying to relax about it... but still. Go get a job.

Zach just turned 17. Ian's doing great in school. Life is generally good.

That is all. See you next month.

The trees are turning already. The year has flown by. I have a son in college, a son in high school and a son in 5th grade that is making me crazy.

Matthew's introduction to the "real world" (laugh with me now) has gone pretty well so far. We've worked out a system where I continue to pay him an allowance and he puts all of his money from his job into savings. It's the same amount of money out for me and will be a huge help to him in the coming months. He just got his graduation present from us this week and he couldn't be happier. I have to tell you that I now have MattLaptopEnvy. Horrible disease where you buy your kid a present and then covet the said present on a regular basis. It's contagious. You may, too, get MattLaptopEnvy.

Zach is doing great... he's a boy. He picks girls poorly. There's no way around this and I don't know how to help him. School is going well, though, so that's a relief. I bought Zach concert tickets for his birthday. I knew he'd love them so I called him to tell him. I started the conversation with "I just bought your birthday present. I am the best mom ever. You are so going to love me" and you know what that jackass thought I bought him??? A CAR. You can laugh. I did. Everyone I tell this to laughs at his presumption. That's Zach, though. Optimistic to the very end. :) He still loved the concert tickets, though.

Ian is distressing me. He's acting out at school and constantly tells me he's not good at things. He's like Mike only younger. Pessimistic, adorable and incredibly affectionate. It's like he was absent the day they handed out confidence cards. It's hard to be angry at him because I can see his distress written all over his face... but I have to be firm about what's okay and what's not or I'm going to have some real problems here soon. It's just heartbreaking sometimes.

I am going to see Ben Folds with the Denver Symphony in just a couple of weeks! I'm so excited about this. The only thing that has me even a little concerned is that Mike's parents might be coming out that same weekend. I want to see them desperately so I'm kind of sad that we'll miss a night. Also, wouldn't you know that's the weekend that the school decided to have Homecoming? So, working out the details... but I GET TO GO SEE BEN FOLDS! Other than the Ben Folds thing, though, life is just plugging away... as am I.

It's been a long day. How sad is that at 2pm? Pretty sad, let me tell you. The crazy lady at work is still crazy, I still work for my husband, I still (despite all of it) enjoy my job. No, really, I do. I DO. Dammit.

Today, Matt registered for classes at the college. This is weird for me. You might ask, "Kyria, why is this weird for you?" and I would tell you that I remember, vividly, my first boyfriend registering for classes at the start of my sophomore year of high school. Matthew is experiencing things I remember experiencing... not just growing up. Not that I personally registered for classes at college... but still. It's like being displaced in some crazy time warp.

So, it's August. Ian turns 10 next week. It's been a decade since I had my last baby. Also bizarre. He's amazing-smart... but he's a bit on the high-drama side of life. I don't know where this comes from. *thinking about Mike* oh, wait.

Planning a trip to Disney next summer. I have to account for the fact that my oldest son is bringing his girlfriend. This has led to conversations such as: 'do you plan to sleep in the same bed?' and 'i don't care if you do, just tell me before we get to the lobby' It will also, undoubtedly, lead to 'if you go back to the hotel room in the middle of the day for a... 'rest', please please please, make sure your brother knows you're 'resting' so he knows not to also head back to the room' Zach is bringing someone, too, but I don't have a heads up on that situation yet. It will lead to more awkward. Motherhood is awkward. Parenting in general is awkward.

Found out I'm going to be in a wedding. That's cool. Excited. I mean, it's ONLY MY BABY SISTER. :) Willow has informed me that she will be wed in Florida within the next couple of years. So... I'm going to have to go to Florida.

Fuck. My life is hard. Hehehe.

I am angsty.

My back hurts all of the time. It's not the excruciating pain that I had right after I hurt it but it hurts. If at any point in my day I'm not sitting, it hurts. Seriously. Standing, ow. Kneeling, ow. Walking, ow. SLEEPING, OW. I stopped doing anything with my hair because holding the curling iron up that long while standing is agonizing. I stopped putting on makeup for work (not that I ever wore a ton of it) because my eyelashes being a tiny bit thicker wasn't worth the pain I had to endure to make them that way. It makes me sad. I'm trying really hard to not let this bother me much but it's hard having constant pain. I'm trying REALLY hard not to let it contribute to my inherent laziness. I've started walking again in the evenings, which has been wonderful because I love to be outside in the summer. I've stopped asking Mike to fetch me everything. I'm really trying. Standing isn't sitting, though, so it's hard to want to go get something myself knowing that it's going to hurt.

In addition to the back thing, I'm having a difficult time at work with this lady that makes me crazy. It doesn't help that Mike doesn't feel comfortable addressing my issues with her because I'm his wife. I get this, I really really do. I just feel like the fact that he doesn't address it, like, ever, makes the spouse issue way more of a spouse issue. Now there have been people that have loved working for Mike. I am not one of those people. I think he is great at the business management and awful at the people management. This whole "I'm not going to deal with your issues" thing is really just enforcing the opinion I had developed of his management style way back in the day of CL. This is a hard thing to talk to him about because Mike thinks he's amazing at his job... And he really can be, which is part of why this is so frustrating. A long time ago, as a peer and his wife, he asked me if he was a good manager and what people had to say about him... and I told him the truth, because he asked for it. "Mike, people either love you or hate you, there's never an in between. I'd say the camp is split 50/50 on this one." You know what came of that? He thought I made it up. So, yeah, constructive conversation on this topic is not happening. (Ken, I know you're laughing at me. Stop it.)

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I booked Mike a massage. So, I have a backache constantly and my husband, who is my manager and stuck in "bad manager" mode, is getting a massage. Do you know how galling it is to buy your bad manager a massage when your back hurts all of the time?

Insert annoyed, resigned sigh here.

I'm tired. I actually had a post saved from mid-May but given that this is now early June, it's not very useful to me. Is it really June already?

Matt graduated last weekend. Well, the weekend before last. Last weekend was yesterday. Anyway, it was great. I held it together. No tears for me.... and then he gave me flowers and I cried like a little girl. Which would mean more if I was, say, a grown man. Since I'm me, crying like a little girl seems a less accurate description of my waterworks somehow. In my defense, he surprised me while I was cooking in the kitchen at his party. Unexpected flowers + stressful cooking spree at party + MY OLDEST GRADUATED = tears. Anyway, lots of people, lots of food, lots of RockBand. It was a fun time. Now he's trying to find a job. Hey, I'm just excited that he got out of bed before 7 this morning to go for a run with Hannah.

Ian has gone off to spend some time with Grandma. I miss him. He calls me at night before bed but he's all distracted by TV. We don't have TV so the fact that he now has like 9billion channels to pick from keeps him from focusing on how much he loves and misses me. I forgive him, though. TV is pretty cool, after all.

Zach is out for the summer an so far all he's done is nothing. He's bored all of the time. Today, though, he's going to go hang out in Gypsum with some friends. Some highly dramatic female friends. I expect nothing good will come of it. He's highly dramatic himself, as far as boys go... I will hear all about the unjust treatment of his friends at dinner tonight. I'm almost excited.

I hurt my back during my stressed out cooking spree. It's getting better and I've graduated from vicodin to advil but Mike is still worried and all ready to send me to the doctor. I figure I'll see how it goes for another week and then mebbe. It's not that I don't want to feel better it's just that last time I went the doctor told me to wait it out and it would get better. So, we'll see. Bonus, though, I can't lift anything. Seriously, a gallon of milk causes me pain. So (hehehehehheehe) I can't do laundry! YAY!

It's 10:30 on a school night and here I am watching Harry Potter, playing with my iPod and blogging. And it's about time, too. I wish I could say I'm just lazy but instead I've been painfully busy. My kids even commented that I don't even answer my text messages anymore. That's a sad, sad thing, my friends.

So, in the news, because I know you're all dying for an update:
Matt graduates in about three weeks. I still haven't mailed out the announcements. I will, I promise. See paragraph above for level of busy. Also, planning the after graduation shin-dig. No idea what we're doing but there will be a lot of people.
Matt went to his senior prom. He looked incredible. His girlfriend looked incredible. It was weird and happy and I was excited and depressed at the same time.
We've moved and we have new couches. I love this. So do my cats. Sadly, my cats loving the new sofas do not make me love my cats at all. Hate my cats, man. Hate them.
Started the new job with Mike and have learned that I love my husband and he, obviously, loves me. How can I say that with so much certainty, you ask? I have lost my mind at least twice in the month I've worked there and we still manage to remain married. I am convinced this has little to do with me and everything to do with Mike's ability to look at me when I'm behaving like a deranged lunatic and think "aww... look, she's being cute again!" I love him and I'm very lucky.

My life has been a roller-coaster of stress lately. We have always been up front with the landlords about our dog. They have been completely fine with it... until the 1st. For whatever reason, it turned into a huge issue. So huge, in fact, that we had the distinct impression they were backing out of the lease. We freaked out. I went from "yay new place to live!" to "oh my holy god we're homeless" in two minutes. Many phone calls to prospective new places to live, one highly acidic sleepless night, and long tearful conversations with my sister later, Michael got back on the phone with new landlord people. Turns out it was all a misunderstanding. SO.... now, YAY not homeless but MY GOODNESS REALLY? Anyway, happily moving in now and just thinking about getting some minor repairs done here and over in the new place.

Long day ahead and Easter dinner starts at 3pm. I'm on countdown!

I have severely neglected my poor blog. Okay, it's not that bad... but I know it's coming. I feel the busy sneaking in. The new job starts this week. The house, we found out, is going to be done on Wednesday and our new landlords told us to go ahead and start moving in, even though we have rent prorated to the 10th. I'm excited... but I know I'm going to be way too busy for this for a while.

Also, I have picture of the new place all ready to post. Sadly, the cable that I need to hook up the camera to my computer is (can you guess?) packed. So, no pictures for you. Really, though, it'll be better that way in the end. By the time I can post them I think I'll have the new sofa, the new beds and the new rugs all pretty in the house. Works better that way.

I've had a fabulous, if very busy, week. Friday after work, which was my last day AND lasted only until 3pm, we headed off to Cedar City to visit my in-laws. It's so nice to be in a place now where I can say "I love to see them, they're amazing people and I love them." We spent the day lazing about with them, hanging out and talking, sometimes arguing a little about politics or just chatting about their plans for the future, and our plans for the future. Sunday I headed into Vegas to visit with my family. My aunt passed away last week and I wanted to see my grandmother and visit with my parents. I was able to steal my sister away for some breakfast at the Cracked Egg, which was awesome. I love hanging out with her and hope she'll be staying with us this summer when she visits. After that I was able to sneak away for a couple of hours to visit my friends. Bianca's new place is huge and Jenny's new baby... well, he's also huge. Beautiful, too. Plus, I got to eat sushi. Sushi makes me happy. I was back in Cedar City in time for dinner and able to relax and get ready for the long drive home the next day. Now that we're back, though, it seems all I do is pack. Packpackpack. *sigh* The move is in about two weeks and I'd be happy if it happened yesterday. I can't wait to get in there! It's a bummer that it was pushed back but tonight we saw the hardwood floors that they just put in and we're getting excited about it again instead of just angsty. Can't wait. On top of everything, I start the new job next week. Wow, I've got a lot going on right now. Can't wait for what's next!

I'm excited and disappointed at the same time. We have been visiting our soon-to-be home and noticed that the construction was moving along at a suspiciously slow rate. So slow, in fact, that for days at a time we couldn't say that they had done anything at all. Concerned about this lack of progress given our "omg moving in a week and a half" status, we called the owners and asked if the timeline had changed. Well, yes. Yes it did. They had just finished talked to the contractor when we called and found out they wanted to push the finish date out to the 7th of April from the 26th of March. So, blahblahblah, we're not moving the weekend of the 10th. That's fine... we did some sweet talking to our current landlord and he talked to his new renters (YAY he got new renters!) and it's all worked out... but still. That's 10 extra days. We decided this would be the PERFECT time to put off packing and go visit Mike's mom... you know, with the kids out of school next week, me out of work until the 1st and a few extra days to make it up later. I have to figure out how to make it all work, though, because my aunt passed away and, while I wasn't close to her, I feel like I should see my family. Specifically, my grandmother. She's 86 and this is the third of her children to pass... and also her favorite. So, a trip to Vegas is almost a must. It'll be another too-busy weekend, for sure.

I am having a fabulous week. Only 7 work days left here, then I have 12 days off before I start my new job. It's all working out perfectly... the week I'll have off is also the last week before our move, so I'll be able to tie up loose ends as far as packing goes and get us (mostly) comfortable in our new place. I have been feeling really tired lately. I feel on the verge of exhuastion by midday sometimes. This morning, though, I woke up feeling refreshed and, aside from a pretty horrible pain in my neck (a real pain in my neck, not Mike), I feel pretty fantastic.

Stuff I'm excited about right now:
New job
New place
New couches
Bianca visiting in April
Matt's graduation in May
Jamie and Danielle maybe visiting in June
Summer and all that it entails!
Mike's new car later this year
New bedroom furniture for the boys

Things are going beautifully and I can't complain. Except about the puppy. I complain about him a lot, actually.

I sit too often. It gives me headaches and makes me want to move less. This, as you may have guessed, is entirely counter-productive.

Today is the first day of my last two weeks with my current employer. I don't think the person I notified told the second in command guy because I have yet to receive a phone call from second in command guy. Second in command guy would definitely call me to give me a hard time if he knew. I talked to him today and he didn't even mention it. I'm excited, though. Two weeks left.

Also, only three weeks until our big move. More excited about that, I think. Just ordered my couches... seriously, ordering furniture is a pain in the patookis. Well, not really the ordering so much as the deciding on which furniture to order.

You know, I have always loved my job. My bosses have been generous and wonderful to me. I am unhappy now, though, and I have to say that lately my sincere enjoyment in my work waned as stress crept into our small office. My employer, once so friendly and enjoyable to be around, has been speaking to me as though I have the intelligence of a roughly used crayon. I am a smart girl. I mean, I am not one of those girls that just think they have half a brain... I know I am bright. Knowing I am not stupid only makes the way he has decided to interact with me that much more insulting, that much more degrading. I have received another offer and I am giving my notice tomorrow. I am sad to leave them... again; they have been very good to me. I have to say, though, that the timing could not be better. I do not think three months ago that I would have been so ready to leave.

I like potato salad. In a crunch, it's my lunch. I rhymed. Not on purpose, though. Okay, I'm lying.

Also, my kid is smarter than your kid. Why? Because he doesn't believe in Jesus. (I cringed a little bit typing that. It's the fundamentalist in me. Which means he's smarter than I am, too. Don't tell him.) So says this study right here.

I am feeling much better today. Change is in the air.

I am sick and, probably because I'm so sick, I'm in no mood for stupid bullshit today. So life, always sensing when I don't really want to deal with bullshit, throws bullshit at me. My boss yelled at me today and then gave me a toilet.

A couple of days ago my boss as he was walking out of the office said something like "send those questions from A over to S...."

...thinking he meant the questions that I had in my email and couldn't complete because someone from the bank didn't do them, I said "The ones from A? *surprised* Okay!" and I sent them.

They were the wrong questions. Today, I was loudly castigated because I didn't ask myself, and subsequently my boss, WHY I would send those other questions over to S. Seriously, I was yelled at because he communicates poorly. When I tried to tell him what the conversation entailed and how I responded to him he said to me, in all seriousness, "how do you know what you said?"

I stopped trying to convince him I was right at that point and just said I would try to do my best to understand what he was asking of me.

Then, because I'm trying to replace a toilet bowl in my upstairs bath and we had one in the shop, he gave me a toilet bowl for free.

i want today to be over.

Over the weekend I was listening to ringtones on iTunes as I played with my new iPhone. I came across the Chipettes singing Single Ladies from the Squeakuel... and had it stuck in my head ALL WEEKEND. Sang it EVERYWHERE. In the car, cooking dinner, at Costco. I drove Michael crazy. Last night as we were dozing off he turned to me and said, "I love you, baby." All sleepy, I replied, "I love you, too." He then said, "I'm sorry Valentine's Day wasn't more special." awww... I said, "Honey, every day I get to spend with you is special. I'm just so grateful to have you in my life." Know what that asshole said? He said, "That's because I put a ring on it." I went from near sleep to instantaneous laughter. I love my husband.

I made beef stroganoff for dinner. It was delicious. I have done nothing today except make beef stroganoff and watch movies. I have been ridiculously lazy.

In other news, puppy peed on my phone. I was very angry. *insert very angry face here* Happy ending, though! Ordered my iPhone. Excited. Getting it Tuesday. Wow, sentence challenged tonight. Must be that whole "holy crap I'm lazy" thing.

My husband is hot. I'm just sayin' cause I have to go now because he's sitting here and I feel like there's something wrong with me if I'm ignoring this gorgeous man just to post to my blog. Be jealous.

I can't believe I haven't posted for nearly a month. Wow. So, onto the news:

My mom is writing a book. I'm supposed to be reading over/providing feedback/editing the said book. Problem is, I just don't have time to read casually right now. Which sucks, because I really do want to support her efforts in whatever she chooses. My mom is pretty amazing. I mean, she drives me crazy and she has her issues... but she's amazing.

Speaking of my mom, I've been talking to my biological father lately via letters. I really can't bring myself to call him... that's okay, though. I don't really want to call him. In these letters I usually get updates on the weather, his health and such... you know, normal things. Then, every once in a while, he'll make these snarky comments. The most recent one was in reference to my sisters and the fact that they have yet to write to him. He said "I am their biological father (I think)" and "even though I only signed your birth certificates I always thought of you as my daughters"

...yeah.

Mike and I are pretty sure he's trying to call my mom a whore without saying "your mom's a whore" which is really a little comical, knowing my mother, but also highly offensive.

In other news, Matthew's senior pictures came in and they're amazing! Can't wait to get them out to our friends and family with all of the announcements. We're very excited/nervous about his upcoming graduation.

OH! And we have a new puppy!! Jack Russell mix... (we think he's mixed with another Jack Russell, really) and he's ADORABLE. Pagan likes him most of the time, the cats don't know what he is and the kids LOVE him. He gives me hives when he licks me but I forgive him. He's really THAT cute.

So, a bit on my level of cold today: It's supposed to hit -17 overnight. It's 5 right now. I've got the heat in the office set to 71. The thermostat says 70. My internal thermometer says it's time to buy a space heater for my office. I keep saying this and still I have no space heater. I blame the recession.

We ordered Matt's pictures yesterday. I mean, we ordered them over the weekend and actually paid for them yesterday. I want to cry about the money but they turned out so great I can't bring myself to tears over it. I can't wait to scan them in and get them posted!

Also, not moving. The place was gorgeous. Hardwood floors, whirlpool tub in the master, closets big enough to house slave laborers in. Perfection... on the surface. Underneath it was not put together as well as we'd like and we didn't want to commit to something like that without being 100% sure it was what we wanted. We're happy where we are, after all, so why up the rent, move, switch Ian's school and deal with a new landlord for less than an amazing place to live?

I am very, very tired. Since about Thanksgiving I've been having issues with my neck and, if I let myself get to a certain point, it is exceedingly painful. Painful to the point where I can't sleep well because lifting my head to turn it in the night wakes me. I've been taking Advil when it gets bad and Vicodin when it gets really bad... but for the most part I've kept it pretty controlled with stretches and conscious muscle relaxation when I'm getting ready to sleep. Also, I sleep with a pillow under my knees and a down pillow rolled up under my neck. Yes, I do have a neck pillow... it hurts. I can no longer sleep on my side. I can't sleep in any position other than flat on my back. This does not a happy Kyria make. Anyway, Mike and I were at Costco and found these great down alternative pillows and, since we needed new pillows anyway (seriously, we did), we went ahead and bought them. They didn't work out so well for me. No, not so much. I ended up waking with some fairly horrendous pain in the middle of the night to switch out my brand new pillow with my trusty old down one. I was sad and angsty and just generally not pleasant about it. I hurt all the next day (which was yesterday). 'Hurt' as in could barely move without some level of discomfort. So, when bedtime rolled around, I took a Vicodin. I obviously did not consider how my weekend of little sleep would impact me this morning. Needless to say, my lunch today will be spent curled up in my bed at home or with my head on my desk, happily passed out.

On another note, we're thinking of moving. More updates on this later.

Hope everyone had a wonderful New Year!