I am angsty.

My back hurts all of the time. It's not the excruciating pain that I had right after I hurt it but it hurts. If at any point in my day I'm not sitting, it hurts. Seriously. Standing, ow. Kneeling, ow. Walking, ow. SLEEPING, OW. I stopped doing anything with my hair because holding the curling iron up that long while standing is agonizing. I stopped putting on makeup for work (not that I ever wore a ton of it) because my eyelashes being a tiny bit thicker wasn't worth the pain I had to endure to make them that way. It makes me sad. I'm trying really hard to not let this bother me much but it's hard having constant pain. I'm trying REALLY hard not to let it contribute to my inherent laziness. I've started walking again in the evenings, which has been wonderful because I love to be outside in the summer. I've stopped asking Mike to fetch me everything. I'm really trying. Standing isn't sitting, though, so it's hard to want to go get something myself knowing that it's going to hurt.

In addition to the back thing, I'm having a difficult time at work with this lady that makes me crazy. It doesn't help that Mike doesn't feel comfortable addressing my issues with her because I'm his wife. I get this, I really really do. I just feel like the fact that he doesn't address it, like, ever, makes the spouse issue way more of a spouse issue. Now there have been people that have loved working for Mike. I am not one of those people. I think he is great at the business management and awful at the people management. This whole "I'm not going to deal with your issues" thing is really just enforcing the opinion I had developed of his management style way back in the day of CL. This is a hard thing to talk to him about because Mike thinks he's amazing at his job... And he really can be, which is part of why this is so frustrating. A long time ago, as a peer and his wife, he asked me if he was a good manager and what people had to say about him... and I told him the truth, because he asked for it. "Mike, people either love you or hate you, there's never an in between. I'd say the camp is split 50/50 on this one." You know what came of that? He thought I made it up. So, yeah, constructive conversation on this topic is not happening. (Ken, I know you're laughing at me. Stop it.)

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I booked Mike a massage. So, I have a backache constantly and my husband, who is my manager and stuck in "bad manager" mode, is getting a massage. Do you know how galling it is to buy your bad manager a massage when your back hurts all of the time?

Insert annoyed, resigned sigh here.